"Shots are a bad idea"

My friend Amy likes to unequivocally state, almost every time we go out, that "shots are a bad idea." 

And then she usually goes and buys some shots.  For herself and all of her friends (Amy is very generous).  And then, Amy is hungover the next day.  Is it the shot's fault? The draft beer perhaps? I don't think we will ever know. What we do know? Amy tells lies. 

This Is Just a List of Shots Amy Loves 

Buttery Nipples

Punishment Shots

(Amy is actually the reason these were invented!)

Jager Bombs

Body Shots

Cement Mixer 

(this one is gray and sludgy!)

Red Headed Sluts

Lemon Drops

Rumplemintz

Car Bombs

Pineapple Upside Down Cake

(because Amy loves to cook!)

Mind Eraser

Kamikaze

Jello shots

(as featured at Amy's bachelorette party!)

True or False: side hair is the worst thing EVER?!

False! 


Side hair, when styled appropriately, can be an elegant and classic alternative to more traditional chignons.  Amy has said, repeatedly, over and over that side hair is the ugliest hair and no one with any sense of style would wear side hair. Really, Amy? Really?

Because Duchess Catherine wore side hair last week! And everyone knows she is anything but ugly and un-stylish! 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I am now going to go move my ponytail from the crown of my head to behind my left ear and put on a silly hat. 

You think your arm muscles are getting smaller and I think you're a liar!

Amy is totally ripped. She has the biggest, most ladylike guns ever. Amy is a prettier, younger version of Popeye, and doesn't even need the spinach boost! Awhile back, she told me, "I think my arm muscles are shrinking!" Amy was very deeply upset over these recent (imagined) developments, but because I am an amazing friend, I made her feel so much better when I called her a liar. Because her arms are still cut. And then, because Amy is such a good friend, she punched me in the arm. With her "shrinking" muscles.  It still hurt a lot and left a big mark.

As this illustration clearly depicts, Amy is a big, strong, muscley liar. Aren't you Amy?